Deep thoughts & Belly Shots...

Christmas and Thanksgiving are great holidays to be 7 months pregnant.  I have never eaten so much fudge, cookies, dip, and all other kinds of holiday yumminess more in my entire life.  

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I am tired all the time.  I can only do about 4 hours of activity a day before I feel like I am going to die.  The other day we were doing our dinner dishes and I was drying and I had to sit while I did it. Standing was just too much.

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Ryan started nesting.  It was awesome.  He just started organizing the house one day, starting in the basement and working his way up.  I joined in on my vacation and together we have whipped this little house into shape.  It is the first time we have felt like our house is actually ready to put on the market.  We feel all grown up and stuff.

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Charlie's closet is painted and ready to be all full of little clothes and baby things...I still have a few finishing touches to add like a bookshelf, a changing station, and some storage stuff.

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I waddle every where I go now.  It looks a lot like this:

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True conversation:

Ryan (to his cousin Levi):  Oh yeah pregnant women are sexy.

Me (as I learn forward to get my drink only half aware of their conversation):  grrrrrruuuuuuuuuunnnttt

Levi: It sounds like it

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I eat Tums like ithey're going out of style.  I actually crave Tums.  Sometimes my heartburn is so bad I could just sit there and eat Tums like they are milk duds. I know you can't do this so I only take as many as I am suppose to but then the bottle still calls to me so I have to hide it.

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I need at least 3 pillows to be able to relax...at least.

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I am so thirsty all the time and even in my dreams I spend most of my time in the bathroom.

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I get fat little hobbit feet now when I spend too much time on them.

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I am the most annoying person in the movie theatre right now.  If I am not shifting back and forth to save one of my hips then I am gasping for air in what can be described only as something resembling a hiccup.  But the doctors tell me it's not a hiccup therefore it has no name.  Or getting up to go to the bathroom or breathing hard cause I just had to walk all the way from the bathroom to the theatre and I'm all out of breath.

OR

Whispering to my mom

"Where's my war horse?"

hehe

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We decided to use disposable diapers instead of cloth.  I had a moment of panic and just decided that there were enough new things coming at me with a baby and if there was a way to make it easier on myself then disposable diapers are it.  So yeah,  I'm a woman and can change my mind.

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I'm still going to breast feed which freaks me out in so many ways.  One- I have never done it, two-  I have never done it, and three- I HAVE NEVER DONE IT!!! {plus no part of me wants to deal with sore nipples and getting bit}

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My bellybutton is still fighting the good fight.  So far still an innie... So I say to pregnancy 

"You can take my pride and my dignity- but you will never have my bellybutton!!!"

Take that pregnancy.

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Sometimes I think pregnancy books make me worry more then they help me or answer my questions.  Like they will say things like "stay away from _________. " {insert some certain kind of food} Followed by a  "there is absolutely no proof AT ALL that this causes any negative effect on the baby but just in case"...???...I don't follow those rules cause I am a pregnancy rebel... cause I believe in moderation and not fear should be your pregnancy guide

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So there ya go!  I know it has been too long since my last bump shot but between the sweatpants and the laziness there wasn't a lot of bump picture taking going on.  I promise to return next week with week 34

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After watching Teen Mom 2...

the middle one grows up to be my Jim

Today in a bout of extreme boredom I watched an episode of Teen Mom 2.  It literally made me cry.  There were a lot of things on the show that made me sad, poor relationships with their parents, forgoing education to spend more time working so they could buy diapers and wipes, but what really hit me the most was the losers these girls had as the fathers of their babies.

I don't think I have ever felt as grateful for my husband then after those 30 minutes.  These girls deal with emotional abuse, substance abuse, and sometimes even physical abuse.  It seems like they do not see a way out.  That they are destine to be with someone like that.  They cannot see themselves with someone actually worthy of their love.  They are stuck in these endless cycles of hurt and lies. While I can't say know what it is like to be a teen mother, I do know what it is like to be with a loser.

I was once stuck in a cycle of abuse and I think that is why the show hit me so hard.  I was with a guy who did not love me or appreciate me the way I deserved to be.  I was never enough. Luckily I never had a baby with this guy but I easily could have.  We lived together for over a year.  There was a lot of yelling and emotional abuse.  There was a lot of leading me on with the promise of a ring and a better life.  There was a lot of buying me stuff after he had been nasty to me.  There was a lot of control on his part and none on mine.  There were a lot of car rides with the back of my car filled with what I could fit swearing I was done.  There was pushing and holding against the wall.  It was not my proudest moment in judgement and I consider myself a smart girl yet there I was looking at houses about to start a life with this man.

There was a lot that lead up to me leaving him.  Aside from an intervention from my parents and employer there was a dream.  I dreamed I was with Jim from the office.  I woke up from the dream and it haunted me.  I knew exactly why I had dreamed about a relationship with Jim because when I watched The Office I knew deep down I had not found "my Jim".  Jim loved Pam from the beginning, he made her laugh, he was her friend, he put her needs above his own, he wanted what was best for her.

I wanted someone who loved me, not the idea of me or what I could be if they changed me enough, really loved me.  All of my quirks and the deep down things that most people don't see unless they look really hard because they want to know all the special things about you.  The one who makes you laugh, not cry.  The one who is the kind of guy that you mom says to you "he is exactly what I always imagined for you".

So I left him and it was really hard but I am sharing this because I want other girls to know that YOUR JIM IS OUT THERE somewhere waiting for you and all you have to do is have the courage to say I deserved better.  I deserve not to settle.  I deserve to walk out the door right now because even being alone is better then being like this.  

There was a moment when I was leaving the loser we were standing alone in a half empty townhouse, both crying and scared of what was going to come next.  He was begging me to stay, promising me all the things he had promised so many times before, and he was sucking me back in.  Then in my weakest moment it hit me.  If I stayed then I was choosing this life.  There would be no one to blame but me.  I knew that I was settling and I was going to have to be ok with that in order to stay with him.  I hugged him, told him I was sorry, and I walked out that door.

When I met my husband I knew almost instantly he was my Jim.  He makes me laugh and feel beautiful, not like a sex object but like a wife should be loved.  The best part of our relationship was not the first couple of days or months- it is yet to come.  It gets better every day.  I love him more every day.  He knows all of me, flaws and all and never mocks me or try to change me.  Do we fight? Sometimes- do my neighbors look at me with a look of pity because they can hear through the walls what is going on? Never.  We fight like grown-ups, with a purpose, because we want to understand each other and be able to move on to the next stage.

So if you are a teen mom or just a girl stuck in a relationship that really deep down makes you more sad then it does happy, please listen to me when I tell you.  YOUR JIM IS OUT THERE.  Don't settle because I didn't and I am here to tell you it is so worth the wait and the pain.  As we prepare for this baby I feel so completely spoiled to have a husband who loves me so much.  But you have to believe that you deserve it.  You have to be patient and let it happen how it is suppose to happen.  You can't get desperate and fall for the lie that he is gonna change because they never change that much.  You have to stand firm in your decision every time he texts you and asks you to marry him {yeah that happened more then once} or to run away with him- that you do not want him, you want the idea of him and you will not settle for less then Jim.

Because the Jims of the world are soooooo worth waiting for I know cause I married mine.

A 906 Christmas {10 days late}...

I'm back!!!

Sorry for the quiet around this place

but

WE HAD 10 Christmases!!!!!!!

And there is some recovery time needed after all that festivity

What"s that?

You don't believe me that we had 10 different Christmases?

Oh well I will give you the run down of it all in case you can't wrap your mind around that

{it took me about 4 years to realize this was in fact my reality- usually resulting in my crying and trying to pull my hair out sometime around 2:30 in the morning on Christmas Eve as I realize I have 12 more presents to wrap}

Christmas 1-  Our Christmas with just my immediate family- we did this on the 18th for my sanity and to include my littlest sister Mo who was going on an 8 day cruise for Christmas...

Christmas 2- Christmas at my Grandma's house on Christmas Eve starting at 12:30 with my mom's side of the family

Christmas 3-  Ryan's Grandma W. also on Christmas Eve from 5- 7:30 with Ryan's mom side of the family

Christmas 4-  Ryan's Opa's the last celebration of Christmas Eve from 7:30 to about 10:30 

Then we go home and prepare for the next day this year I was in bed by 1 which is the earliest I have ever been to bed on Christmas Eve since me and Ryan started living together.  Only a couple of presents to wrap in the morning which would have been a piece of cake except...

Our alarm didn't go off!!!  So Ryan helped me wrap presents like a mad man, half asleep, and one little tiny fight later we were out the door in sweatpants and baseball hats {sometimes something has to give and this year it was showering on Christmas}

Christmas 5- Ryan's dad's on Christmas morning around 10 to 12 

Christmas 6- Ryan's mom's Christmas morning from 12- 1:30ish 

Christmas 7- My dad's side of the family Christmas from 2- 5

Christmas 8- Ryan's dad's side family Christmas 5-9

Then Christmas is over right?!?

No...

Christmas 9- Ryan's Oma on the Thursday after Christmas

Christmas 10- We drive up to Chicago to see Ryan's Grandpa who lives outside the city for New Years Eve weekend...

That's not even including some other visits that were made to see family members from out of town just cause.

It's a pretty hectic time

and I am wiped out.

We are extremely blessed to have to many people who love and want to see us and SPOIL US ROTTEN!!!  Ryan is completely blissed out during all of this and I am learning to slowly let go of my expectations of the holidays and just sit back and enjoy the ride.  

 I will say that this was the smoothest year to date and me and Ryan even got to have our own little Christmas on Christmas Eve Eve which we had never done before! {this was the first year Ryan actually wrapped my presents!}  Ryan kept telling me what a good job I was doing and how proud he was of me.  I was prepared this year.  I didn't take on too many projects and put to much pressure on myself.  I also didn't have cramps so bad that I was puking so that always helps.

I don't have pictures and it has taken me about a week and half to recover

BUT my house is back in order thanks to my awesome husband who is clearly nesting...

I will be back full force this week with:

Resolutions and goals

A deep thoughts and belly shot

And a little surprise announcement!!!

How many Christmas celebrations do you have???  How do you get it all done?