After watching Teen Mom 2...

the middle one grows up to be my Jim

Today in a bout of extreme boredom I watched an episode of Teen Mom 2.  It literally made me cry.  There were a lot of things on the show that made me sad, poor relationships with their parents, forgoing education to spend more time working so they could buy diapers and wipes, but what really hit me the most was the losers these girls had as the fathers of their babies.

I don't think I have ever felt as grateful for my husband then after those 30 minutes.  These girls deal with emotional abuse, substance abuse, and sometimes even physical abuse.  It seems like they do not see a way out.  That they are destine to be with someone like that.  They cannot see themselves with someone actually worthy of their love.  They are stuck in these endless cycles of hurt and lies. While I can't say know what it is like to be a teen mother, I do know what it is like to be with a loser.

I was once stuck in a cycle of abuse and I think that is why the show hit me so hard.  I was with a guy who did not love me or appreciate me the way I deserved to be.  I was never enough. Luckily I never had a baby with this guy but I easily could have.  We lived together for over a year.  There was a lot of yelling and emotional abuse.  There was a lot of leading me on with the promise of a ring and a better life.  There was a lot of buying me stuff after he had been nasty to me.  There was a lot of control on his part and none on mine.  There were a lot of car rides with the back of my car filled with what I could fit swearing I was done.  There was pushing and holding against the wall.  It was not my proudest moment in judgement and I consider myself a smart girl yet there I was looking at houses about to start a life with this man.

There was a lot that lead up to me leaving him.  Aside from an intervention from my parents and employer there was a dream.  I dreamed I was with Jim from the office.  I woke up from the dream and it haunted me.  I knew exactly why I had dreamed about a relationship with Jim because when I watched The Office I knew deep down I had not found "my Jim".  Jim loved Pam from the beginning, he made her laugh, he was her friend, he put her needs above his own, he wanted what was best for her.

I wanted someone who loved me, not the idea of me or what I could be if they changed me enough, really loved me.  All of my quirks and the deep down things that most people don't see unless they look really hard because they want to know all the special things about you.  The one who makes you laugh, not cry.  The one who is the kind of guy that you mom says to you "he is exactly what I always imagined for you".

So I left him and it was really hard but I am sharing this because I want other girls to know that YOUR JIM IS OUT THERE somewhere waiting for you and all you have to do is have the courage to say I deserved better.  I deserve not to settle.  I deserve to walk out the door right now because even being alone is better then being like this.  

There was a moment when I was leaving the loser we were standing alone in a half empty townhouse, both crying and scared of what was going to come next.  He was begging me to stay, promising me all the things he had promised so many times before, and he was sucking me back in.  Then in my weakest moment it hit me.  If I stayed then I was choosing this life.  There would be no one to blame but me.  I knew that I was settling and I was going to have to be ok with that in order to stay with him.  I hugged him, told him I was sorry, and I walked out that door.

When I met my husband I knew almost instantly he was my Jim.  He makes me laugh and feel beautiful, not like a sex object but like a wife should be loved.  The best part of our relationship was not the first couple of days or months- it is yet to come.  It gets better every day.  I love him more every day.  He knows all of me, flaws and all and never mocks me or try to change me.  Do we fight? Sometimes- do my neighbors look at me with a look of pity because they can hear through the walls what is going on? Never.  We fight like grown-ups, with a purpose, because we want to understand each other and be able to move on to the next stage.

So if you are a teen mom or just a girl stuck in a relationship that really deep down makes you more sad then it does happy, please listen to me when I tell you.  YOUR JIM IS OUT THERE.  Don't settle because I didn't and I am here to tell you it is so worth the wait and the pain.  As we prepare for this baby I feel so completely spoiled to have a husband who loves me so much.  But you have to believe that you deserve it.  You have to be patient and let it happen how it is suppose to happen.  You can't get desperate and fall for the lie that he is gonna change because they never change that much.  You have to stand firm in your decision every time he texts you and asks you to marry him {yeah that happened more then once} or to run away with him- that you do not want him, you want the idea of him and you will not settle for less then Jim.

Because the Jims of the world are soooooo worth waiting for I know cause I married mine.